TOUGH

after being away for so long, it's about time to rant.

i have lost control over myself, over my own body, over my own thinking.

i can't seem to keep track of the things i should and should not do.
i can't think straight.

what my mum said has been playing over and over again on my mind..

a feeling a deja vu is overwhelming me.. "is the cycle going to repeat again?" i asked myself.

the answer is "i don't know. i hope not.."

how do you know what you do is not putting yourself at a disadvantage?
how are you supposed to feel when something you hope for to happen seems to be taking a few steps backward?
how do one label one's property and make sure that others know of it to avoid confusion, hurt and grief?
how am i supposed to react when i know that things are not the way it should be, and that i am living in denial, running away from truths that pierces through my heart like a million blades?

the answer is "i don't know"..

maybe it's because i do not care....anymore.

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why do some people never learn their mistakes? why are some so foolish as to let others use them, even if they know it right from the start? where do you find someone so thick skinned, having the courage to approach you after throwing you in the dumpster with all the smelly rubbish, telling you that he/she didn't mean it in the first place?

why does the person who regrets too late still gets the good stuffs, even after all that he/she has done? and why do all good people who appreciates end up in far worse situations?

is this why people say, "men are blind"?

think about it. let me know.